You Might be a Ranchwife if...

He offers to share his apple with you, but you politely decline when he pulls out his pocketknife. You know where that knife's been.

He buys you a new hat because he can't stand the shape of your old worn-out comfortable one.

When working the opposite side of the herd you learn to ignore him because you can't hear him anyway, and you can't understand his hand signals either.

You wear your patent leather pumps to church hoping that he'll get out and open the gate on the way.

The nearest Walmart is 85 miles away--and over 10 miles of that is dirt road. The bulk of your non-grocery shopping is done at the local ranch supply store, and that suits you just fine.

You learn to cook a meal for the cowboy crew that will be ready a half hour ahead of time, and still be good two hours later.

The first thing he ever taught you was how to handle a rope.

He sends you to get a little bunch of cows, and sends his cowdog with you to "help". You're not a cusser, but you get a certain satisfaction out of calling his dog a "son-of-a-b...." (several times) because he keeps running to the front and standing in the middle of the gate you're trying to put the cows through.

He makes you get rid of the Delphiniums and Lupine a generous lady in town gave you for your flower garden because they are poisonous to cows.

He brings you a handful of wild primroses when they first start blooming because he knows how much you love their smell.